I apologize for the lapse in posts; I had a bit of a personal crisis hit me last Thursday and have been unable to compose myself and resume living life until just now. That may all sound dramatic but I assure you, it has been as though time stopped for me, and I mean that in the worst way possible.
While I have no intention of getting into the crisis itself here, I have found that it has provided me with a much needed segue into the training programs I am about to suggest. You see, the fact of the matter is, any well-rounded diet and exercise program will work for anyone. I have been on a vast number of diets, all very different in appearances, and have had success, to a certain extent, with all of them. I have also tried a few different exercise programs and had success, to a certain extent, with all of them. There are only 3 true components to a good weight-loss program, no matter what any gimmick wants to tell or sell you:
1. Caloric deficit. As Martica Heaner, Ph.D., M.A., M.Ed., and writer for MSN Health & Fitness tells us, "...if you set your mind to it and follow a diet, any diet, you can lose weight. All diets ultimately reduce the amount of calories that you take in. The longer you stick to it, thereby keeping your calorie intake in check, the more weight you will lose." She goes on to say that "...not all diet-book authors ’fess up that the weight loss you see by following their plan is due to cutting calories. Those trying to sell their product need to hype why their diet is the most effective.... Sure, you can lose weight on any of these plans.... Whatever you eat, if portions are controlled in some way, either by eating less or by knocking out foods that are normally on your menu, you’ll eat fewer calories and lose weight." This is a mantra that I've been trying to get through peoples' heads for forever. Atkins works for people who overeat CALORIES from carbs. The Zone diet works because it limits peoples CALORIC INTAKE by rationing carbs and limiting portion sizes. Weight Watchers works because it limits point (CALORIE!) intake. Bottom line; you want to lose fat? You must eat 3500 fewer calories for each pound you want to lose per week. There are 3500 calories in a pound. That's a 500 calorie/day deficit for every pound you want to lose. PERIOD. This is basic science, basic math. If you're going to stand here and argue about it, go home now. You're an idiot.
2. Exercise. Listen, folks. You can diet all day long. And you can lose a lot of weight. I lost 50lbs from Weight Watchers alone.
And I gained it all back.
Why? Because a diet, alone, causes you to restrict your food intake constantly, but it doesn't help move your metabolism up. It takes longer to lose weight on a diet alone because you aren't getting the extra calorie-burning effect of exercise. Also, on a diet-only plan, you will lose fat AND some muscle, and all that muscle actually helps you BURN fat. And finally, constant dieting can slow metabolism, roadblocking your weight-loss efforts. Eventually, you get sick of deprivation, and you go back to your old eating habits, feeling like you failed. You didn't fail, you just left out 1/3rd of the weight-loss recipe; EXERCISE. Exercise revs up your metabolism, it burns anywhere between 5 and 20 calories PER MINUTE of strenuous activity, it builds muscles, it burns fat, it boosts endorphins making you feel good about what you're doing, it reduces stress which reduces the hormone cortisol which causes you to store belly fat and crave carbohydrates, ON AND ON AND ON! You need exercise. You CANNOT do this without exercise. If you try, you are setting yourself up for failure. Give up your preconceived notions, and accept this fact. Then move on to:
3. YOU. YOU are the final third of this weight-loss equation. Even with the perfect diet and exercise combo, you have to be in it to win it, folks. Your head must be in the game. And that means you have to accept that YOU ARE GOING TO CHEAT. YOU ARE SOMETIMES GOING TO FALL OFF THE WAGON. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SETBACKS AND PLATEAUS. You are going to wake up some Thursday, like I did, to some life-altering situations. And you are going to have to KEEP PLUGGING AWAY AT YOUR PLAN ANYWAY. There are no excuses in this world worth giving up on your plan for, because YOU ARE WORTH IT. If your mom dies? You keep on your diet and keep finding time to exercise. If you have a miscarriage? Same thing. If your spouse unexpectedly files for divorce? SAME THING. There are no excuses in this world for giving up on yourself. This is a lifestyle change, this is accepting that you will no longer be or act like the person you've acted like up until today. Your head is in this game, and nothing, NOTHING and NO ONE can stop you. If you're not ready to accept that challenge, nothing I give you here will ever help you. Because life WILL throw you a curveball. And you just won't be ready to catch it.
That being said, for those of you who are still with me, here are the plans I highly recommend for you, and why.
Plan 1: Jillian Michaels. That sadistic bitch.
Head on over to jillianmichaels.com and sign up for her program. It's about $30/month and includes all the nutrition and exercise info you need, customized to your situation, plus tons of support. She'll KICK YOUR ASS, and if you use her DVD's, you need nothing more than a couple of 2 or 5lb dumbbells and a yoga mat. Her nutrition is spot on, and she's the most honest trainer out there. You will get out of it what you put into it, like anything, so put your game face on and don't you fucking hit pause when you get winded!!!! KEEP MOVING!
Plan 2: P90X. It's not just for muscleheads.
Even my trainers use this program to mix up their training! It's no gimmick, and all you need is a pullup bar and resistance bands. It's about $250 plus the equipment mentioned, and it also includes a nutrition plan. You can sign up online for their forums, etc. DO NOT ATTEMPT TO DO THIS WORKOUT WITHOUT THE NUTRITION PLAN. I already told you, #1 Caloric Deficit, #2 Exercise, #3, You. YOU CAN'T CHEAT! Oh, and ladies, don't kid yourselves. Get the effing pullup bar. You have to build up to it, sure, but you won't build up to it sitting on the couch and whining "omg only MEN can do PULLUPS!". Bullshit.
Plan 3: BFL (Body For Life) by Bill Phillips.
So you hate workout DVD's, you want to spend a minimum amount of time at the gym with maximum results, you're fairly self-motivated, and you can't stand counting calories. BFL is the plan for you. Go buy the book from Amazon.com (Body for Life by Bill Phillips). Read it. Do it. He has his own supplement and meal-replacement line. You don't HAVE to use them, but you will see better results since his plan is built around them. PLEASE NOTE: while his plan is a 90-day plan, IF YOU HAVE MORE THAN 25LBS TO LOSE IT IS UNREALISTIC TO EXPECT TO LOSE MORE THAN THAT IN 90 DAYS! You can and should, of course, CONTINUE with the plan, EVEN AFTER reaching your goal. After all, you can't reach your goal and just quit! But it may take you 90 days, or 180 days, or a year, depending on your goals! So don't go pinning your hopes on those 12 weeks, people. We're in this for the long haul, and you have to remember that! 12 weeks would be nice, but accept that 1-2lbs per week is the human limit for most of us, and adjust your expectations accordingly. Also, DON'T YOU FUCKING CHEAT with that portion control shit! I don't want to hear you whine you can't lose weight and find out you're adding peanut butter and raisins and whole milk to your shakes (THOUSANDS of calories!) and that by "palm-sized portion" you're pretending you're Andre the Fucking Giant. If you can't be honest, get yourself a good set of measuring spoons and cups and USE THEM RELIGIOUSLY. You're only cheating yourself!
Plan 4: a Personal Trainer. My Personal Favorite.
If you live in the Denver area, I of course highly recommend Fitness Together of Denver. They're beyond compare. They start at $50.00/session (although they are offering a 10% off discount right now, mention my name to them to get it) and go down in price from there depending on the length of a contract you sign. Don't whine to me about the cost. If I told you in 10 months you'll go from a size 18 to a size 6 and be able to do 25 military pushups in a minute, 60 situps in a minute and go from not even being able to hang from a pullup bar to being able to do one fully-extended pullup, how much would you pay? Now say I told you that you'd go from HATING exercise to LOVING exercise, that you'd reverse your infertility, chronic knee and back pain and health problems, and that your entire state of mind would go from negative and sarcastic to positive and can-do? NOW how much would you pay? Well, get out your checkbooks, folks, because that's what happened to me. That's my story exactly. If having someone to report to motivates you, hire a personal trainer. It's the best decision you'll ever make.
Ok, now, what if you already have a diet you like? What if you already have Weight Watchers, or The Zone, or The South Beach Diet, or Atkins, or whatever, and you want to use it with your new workout program?
As LONG AS IT WORKS FOR YOU and you STICK WITH IT, that's FINE. If you're on a diet like Atkins or if you're Vegan or Vegetarian, you may need to be sure you are taking vitamins or supplements! Super-low-carb diets are hell on fatigue levels because you have no glucose (blood sugar) to burn, and you can't get even 1/16th of your nutrients from meat and fats alone-most of our vitamins and minerals come from veggies and fruits! Get yourself a good multivitamin and take it every day. And consider having a piece of fruit before each workout, if fatigue is a problem for you. Vegans and Vegetarians, you need PROTEIN SUPPLEMENTS. It can be very difficult to get enough protein (without too much fat!!) from nutmeats and soy. You can get vegan-friendly whey and casein protein at any supplement store. Get it, USE IT. You can't build muscle without protein!
In the posts to come I'm going to include lots of additional information and tips on how to make any program work, what to do if you hit plateaus, basic rules of thumb, and give you tons of resources to hit when you need everything from supplements to motivation. But you don't need to wait for that to start. I've just given you four foolproof workout solutions that anyone, anywhere can do, from the privacy of their own home to their local 24-hour fitness. So get out there and get started, and I'll see you back here soon!
Don't Think, people. Just GO!
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