We're Not Judging You

I see it all the time.  New people at my gym.  I've only worked out there for 6 months, but you start to get used to the regulars.  Then there are the "periodicals"-they come in here and there, you usually see them at least once a week, but probably not daily.  Then there are the newbies.  Most newbies are obvious because they're nervous-they're not just new to this gym, they're new to ANY gym.  They aren't sure how to work the equipment, they don't know which cardio machines are in front of which TV's running the stations they like to watch, and they have NO idea what to do when they get into the weight room-you can FEEL their intimidation.  You can't always tell which ones will become regulars and which ones will drop out quickly, but there are warning signs, and I'm sad to say, they are so avoidable and preventable.  The biggest red flag?  How they nervously look around and tug at their clothing and walk with their shoulders hunched and head down, eyes on the floor, silently begging "PLEASE DON'T LOOK AT ME."

I usually only see these folks once.


If this is you, and you've ever tried to start at a gym, or have ever wanted to try and (or NOT wanted to try because) you were too intimidated by the gym or too embarassed at how you felt you'd look, STOP.  STOP RIGHT THERE.  This is what this blog is all about; Don't Think, Just Go.  And the reason is that, once again, your thought processes are flawed.  Let a reformed fat person tell you what we "gym rats" are REALLY thinking when we look at you.

1.  I wouldn't have noticed you if you weren't begging with all of your body language not to be noticed.  That sort of painful self-consciousness is a screaming banner.  If you really don't want to be noticed, quit worrying about it; no one is intentionally staring at you!  We're not judging you!  We're just here to work out!

2.  If you come into the gym on a 95 degree day wearing sweats and a sweatshirt to cover up your body...yeah, people might stare.  They're not staring thinking, "Oh, my god, look how fat he/she is."  They're staring thinking, "Oh, my god, aren't they dying from this heat??"  Really, folks, wear what's *comfortable* to work out in.  Don't sacrifice your comfort and health for your self-consciousness.  NO ONE CARES, I promise.

3.  If we do notice that you have no idea how to work equipment, most of us are thinking one of a few things. 1-"Oh man I remember that; it sucks getting used to (new) gym equipment." 2-"Gee, I wonder if I should help them out or if they'd think I was being rude?" or 3-(jamming to our music and not paying any mind to you at all).  We are NOT thinking, "Oh, my god, what does that Fatty McButterpants think they're doing?  What a fat, stupid idiot!"  Calm down.  NO ONE IS JUDGING YOU.

I know what it's like to be fat.  I haven't forgotten.  I'm between a size 4 and a 6 and I remember being a size 24 at one point.  I remember thinking that people were judging what I put in my grocery cart, what I fed my kid, how I dressed, what I ate when I went out, how fast or slow I was jogging on the treadmill, etc. etc. etc.  When you feel bad about yourself, you think everyone is judging you.  It's a horrible downward spiral; the more judged and condemned you feel, the more you shun the gym and shamefully pig out in private to comfort yourself.  You have to stop!  Stop wondering what we're thinking and start focusing on yourself and your goals.

You know what I think when I see a really heavy person enter the gym for what is obviously the first time?  I think GOOD FOR HIM/HER!  I think that I hope they make it all the way to their goals!  If I see someone heavy with knee trouble or some other debilitating injury (that, like it or not, is mainly a direct or indirect result of their obesity) in the gym, I think proudly to myself, "Someday that person is going to be able to walk without pain, if they just keep at it!  You go girl/boy!"  I don't feel disgust or pity for you.  I feel pride for you.  If it wouldn't be in many ways condescending or maybe even come off to someone who is painfully self-conscious as sarcastic, I swear I would run up to you people and congratulate you for taking that first big, painful step and getting yourselves into the gym.  I would tell you that I wished I hadn't waited until I was 31 to change my life.  I would tell you that I'd come down TEN SIZES and was smaller than I ever DREAMED I could be, and that I had cured all sorts of chronic problems I'd had for years that I thought were just normal aging or irreversible genetics, and hadn't realized were actually being caused by my weight problem (knee pain, amenorrhea, anovulation, back pain, anxiety, depression, insomnia, etc. etc. etc.).  I think that I hope, please, please, let this person stick with it!  Let this be the time and place for them!  I think I wish I could help them stay the course!

So folks, the next time your self-perception gets in the way of you changing your life for the better, remember this post.  Not all of those people you see at the gym were always a size 6 or muscular.  Some of them used to look just like you, believe it or not.  Maybe even ALL of them.  And I'm sure I speak for most people when I say that we're rooting for you!  Once again, friends, Don't Think.  Just Go (to the gym!)! :)