In the past 12 weeks I have become increasingly aware of 4 major spheres that are layered throughout our lives, that we move between in all we see and think and feel and do, every moment of every day. They are Mental, Physical, Emotional and Spiritual. In one way or another, when we connect with people and the world around us, we do so within at least one of these four spheres; sometimes deeply, sometimes more superficially. For example, for me, when I go on a run in the park, I am connecting with my body Physically, and I am experiencing the world around me Spiritually, and I am immersed in myself, Mentally. When I am having a heartfelt conversation with a friend, I am connecting with them Emotionally and Mentally. And every time I experience a challenge in one of these four spheres, something that forces me to grow or that alters my preconceptions about life and causes me to re-examine how I approach it, I find that the challenge I experience is, almost always, primarily experienced first Mentally.
Take, for example, my Crossfit workout this morning. As I checked the website for yesterday's WOD, and saw the hell-in-a-gym-setting workout they'd endured, I mentally told myself that, if TODAY'S workout looked that way, I was TOTALLY SKIPPING THAT MOTHERFUCKER. No. Fucking. Way. I know; cowardly. Today I looked at the workout and, though apprehensive at the moves, I saw that it was only 15 minutes long. I immediately remembered two things a good friend of mine told me. The first was, "Anyone can tolerate anything for a finite period of time." The other was, "I can do anything! It might hurt, and I might have to walk, but I can do anything." So...I had to mod two of the four moves, for sure, but I modded them, I never quit moving, and I totally pulled it off. As a matter of fact, I kinda wish the workout had been longer! But that was wonderful; it gives me the confidence to try again next weekend! So what's the lesson here? The challenge was a Physical one, but the difficulty was all in my head; Mental.
Now take, for example, my personal life. Oh, people, I haven't got the space to fill you all in on it here, and the fodder for gossip it would provide for you all would doubtlessly fill your holiday gatherings with endless topics of conversation! Suffice it to say, I am exceptionally good at choosing hard roads for myself. Go big or go home, right? Fuck. At any rate, this weekend was yet another challenge, in the Emotional sphere...and I sought out my friends for help. Because again, the primary challenge was Mental. Someone, please, get me out of my own head.
Fortunately, I am blessed with some fucking *amazing* people in my life. As I reached out for help; as I begged my friends for perspective, objectivity, and centering, a friend of mine shot me the following:
"You've more than got this, you're the goddamn author of it! You are a force of nature.... You're the captain of your own soul.... Don't forget it. 'Strong is what is left after the weak is all gone.' Even in our weakness, we are honing our own strength."
I'm telling you, if you don't have friends like this...you need to get yourself out there and get yourselves some.
I find the people I need and enjoy having in my life the most are those who inspire me in each of the four spheres; even if Physically or Spiritually we may have very different objectives or priorities, it is important to me that they provide me with a perspective that I respect and admire, whether it meshes with mine or not. It is equally important to me that my friends live purposefully in each of the 4 spheres; that they have a clear idea of how they want to steer their ship in each of those winds, and that they consciously strive to stay their own chosen moral course. This is not to say that I value rigidity in my friends; quite the opposite. I find it to be an invaluable character trait in a person, to recognize when they have taken a wrong road, to admit it, to themselves and others, with strength of character and without guilt or shame, and to turn their ship around and head for their own true North. We need people like these in our lives. They provide wonderful role models for us; they show us how to live our own lives by knowing the way, going the way and showing the way.
I am so very conscious of my 4 spheres, and how I choose to live within them. And I'm so very conscious of how the choices I've made over the last 3 years have led me down a very hard road; a path rarely traveled, but a path that, looking back, had I known what it would cost me and yet what it would deliver me, I would never have chosen any differently.
Three years ago I considered myself cowardly. I now know Courage.
Three years ago I considered myself lost on my own life's path...indeed, I did not know when I had last followed a path of my own purposeful choosing. I now know Purpose, I now have Direction.
Three years ago I had no faith in myself. I now Know Myself, and I now know Self Assurance.
Three years ago I couldn't see the good and beauty in the world around me, in the people in my life, and most especially in myself. I now know Gratitude...and it moves me to tears every single day.
Three years ago, I didn't know what love was, for myself, or anyone else. I have now experienced Love, Respect and Adoration in such quality and quantity, I have literally felt my heart expand to hold it all.
Three years ago, in all four spheres, I felt only weakness. I now know Strength.
Every day, in each of our 4 spheres, we choose our paths. Our morality is tied to our direction in each of these 4 spheres. The further off course we allow our ships to sail in these four winds, the more off-center we become, the more we lose all sense of selves, the more our moral compass drifts away from our true North. But it is never too late to turn back on a wrong road. It is never too late to turn this ship around.
Three years ago, I turned back on 30 years' worth of wrong roads, and chose a new one for myself. A frightening road, an unknown road, a road that was uncharted and unmapped. I chose it only because my heart and spirit begged me to...and feeling so sick to my soul, I did the only thing left; I finally listened. Three months ago, I did the same thing all over again. And then again two weeks ago. And now I challenge myself to do so, every single day.
I have never considered myself a gambling woman, but I have found that, where my heart and spirit agree, I lay aside my Mental fears, and follow my heart and spirit, no matter the risk or gamble. They have never yet failed to lead me to my own true North, though the path may wind, and the challenges along the way may not be what I expect, nor lead the way I anticipate. In the face of all of my challenges, I find my Mental sphere is always the first to feel the crosswinds, and to provide me the greatest difficulty in holding true to my chosen course. If I can just hold steady, if I can just keep the faith, brace myself, lean into it, then when the gales give way, I find I have made it further than I thought likely, in less time than I believed possible, and I find sailing through the rest of the spheres positively breezy, by comparison!
I don't know, any more than the rest of you, where the rest of my life will take me, largely because I do not know what choices lie ahead of me, and where my own true North will be found. What I do know is that I've got this, I'm the author of it. I am the captain of my own soul, I steer my four ships in the four winds; *I* am a force of nature, and even in my moments of weakness, I am honing my own Strength. And I know one other thing, too. I know that, after every challenge I face, when the fear is gone, when the pain is over, when the crying is done...when the weak has left me...
Strong is what I will have left, and Strong is what, and who, I will have become.
Today my friends, take back the wheels of your life's own ships. Turn back on your wrong roads. Quiet your minds, still your thoughts, and listen for your heart and your spirit to call to you. Then brace yourselves for the Mental onslaught; lean into your fears and stay your courses. Be the captain your soul begs you to be, for yourselves. And know that, no matter what shores those challenges deliver you to, they will be ones on which you belong, ones that you have finally chosen for yourself, rather than letting life's crosswinds blow your sails wherever chance may take you. Know, too, that when you disembark, you will instantly feel it in your limbs; weakness will have left you, and what will remain, is Strength.
Don't Think; it creates Mental challenges. Just Go, and today, run into the wind! It's the harder direction to take...but it will blow away the Weak, and when you return home, you will know your own Strength.
Battening down the Hatches-
Lisa
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