Last week…well honestly it kind of sucked for me. For our agency's Wellness Challenge, we count minutes per week that we've worked out, and we multiply it by a factor of 1, 2 or 3 for intensity level of the workout to get total points. My numbers last week dropped by almost *half* of what I did in my first week. My minimum in a week would be 285 minutes at level 3, or 855 points. My goal is 345 minutes at level 3, or 1035 points. I dialed in a whopping 780 points for last week. Yeeeeuck. For me, those numbers suck.
So the reason my numbers tanked last week is that a war was waging in my mind and heart, and I had no spirit left in me for my workouts. In the middle of that week, a friend of mine shared with me this quote by James M. Barrie (the author of Peter Pan); ”Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting a great battle.” I was struck by how true this is, because as I posted my troubles on Facebook to my closest friends, I was deluged with responses. Some of the sunniest, brightest sparks I know, some of the most inspiringly upbeat and irrepressible spirits I have ever encountered, were fighting or had recently fought quiet, agonizing battles of their own. And I realized; it was those battles that made those people into the types of people I admired so much. I was sent so many stories of empathy, of courage, of solidarity; of the resilience of the human spirit, of trials and triumph, of hard-fought wars that took place quietly and privately inside the hearts and minds and spirits of so many people I would never have guessed it from. We’re all fighting battles, we’re all carrying scars, we are all war-weary warriors trudging our own personal trail of tears, in *some* area of our lives, at *some* point, and so as you look around, you begin to realize that the odds are that everyone you know has fought some great battle quietly and privately in the time that you have known them. And you probably don’t know a thing about it.
The day after I read that quote (sent to me by a friend who shared her story with me; the most incredible of any that I had read), another friend posted the following: “View your life with ‘kindsight’; Stop beating yourself up about things from your past. Instead of slapping your forehead and asking: ‘What was I THINKING?’ Breathe and ask yourself the kinder question: ‘What was I LEARNING?’” I was reminded that I needed to listen to my heart, to follow my soul, irrespective of anyone and everyone else; I was reminded that I could not help or take care of anyone else, if I could not first feel compassion and empathy for myself; if I could not put myself, my needs, my feelings, my heart and spirit first. If I could not look back on things that I had done in my past with kindness, and forgive myself for the mistakes I had made, then I could never gather courage to myself, and would never move forward on the right path. If I take it upon myself to lead you all, inspirationally, on the path to Wellness, how can I know the way and show the way, if I myself do not go the way?
It is not only incredibly easy to forget that everyone around you is a spirit having a human experience, and that these human experiences are not always pleasant ones, but it is incredibly easy to forget that YOU, YOURSELVES are human, and to expect too much from yourselves. To be cruel to yourself instead of kind, to forget to empathize with yourself, to forget to put yourself first. In our modern society this is so often mistaken for selfishness, but there is this piece of conventional wisdom that runs counter-intuitive to that supposition; “A family is only as happy as its unhappiest member.” If who you are, if what you do, if what you live, is untrue to your heart and soul, you are miserable, and no one around you can be any happier than you are, either. So self-sacrifice is not only an irresponsible thing to do, it is a damaging thing to do; to you, and everyone around you.
I have written to you all about Courage, Fear and Personal Honesty. I have written to you all about having Nothing to Lose, about Believing in Yourselves. Now I must write to you all about the Battles you are waging or have waged in your mind, heart and soul, and about how you are not giving yourselves the kindness and understanding and support you need. I am compelled to explain to you all how denying yourself physical wellness, happiness and self-care is not only hurting you, but hurting everyone around you. I must write to you about how we often tell ourselves that changing what food we eat will upset our children, or changing our routine to work out will put hardships on the family, when in reality, not doing these things is doing a great injustice, a great wrong, a great disservice to everyone you love. By putting yourself last, you permanently back-burner the happiness of everyone around you. There is no such thing as a miserable leader tending a happy and thriving following; think about it. Feelings flow down; emotions radiate and permeate. One bad apple spoils the whole bunch, whether it means to, wants to, or not. If you want to lead your family to happiness, you must know the way, go the way and show the way.
Hardy Jackson wrote, “Above all, be true to yourself, and if you cannot put your heart in it, take yourself out of it.” Clark Moustakas said, “Accept everything about yourself—I mean everything. You are you, and that is the beginning and the end, no apologies, no regrets.” Pope John XXIII said, “Consult not your fears but your hopes and your dreams. Think not about your frustrations, but about your unfulfilled potential. Concern yourself not with what you tried and failed in, but with what it is still possible for you to do.” And Janis Joplin said, “Don’t compromise yourself. You are all you’ve got.”
My friends, my peers, my coworkers; my fellow spirits having a human experience; Be Kinder to Yourselves than You Think Necessary. Allow yourselves your hurts, your sadness, your frustrations; admit to yourselves your disappointments, your fears, your hopes (no matter how futile they may seem!) and your dreams (no matter how wild they may appear!). Embrace who you are, Know Thyself, be honest with all it is that you want and need and hope for, for yourself. Allow those thoughts to fill you up, feel the freedom of letting yourself want and need, as you would want your friends, your family, your significant other, your children, to feel! Consult not your fears, and Don’t compromise yourself. And If you cannot put your heart into it, then take yourself out of it.
I know all of you personally as much as I need to, in order to tell every last one of you, that none of your hopes is foolish, none of your dreams is unachievable, that everything you want for yourself is out there for the taking, you need only allow yourself to reach for it. There is no failure, if you never try, but there is no learning, and no success, either. You all have the right to bad days, to bad weeks, to bad months and years. You all have the right to wage your own internal battles, to be vulnerable, to hurt, and to slip, trip, tumble, fall. You have the right to be imperfect, you have the right to be human, you have the right to fear and doubt. But let yourselves. Stop trying to lie and tell yourself, “I’m fine just the way I am” when deep inside you know you are starving your soul for what it wants; to do right by yourself, to give yourself health, wellness, happiness. It never comes at a price or cost to those around you, as you fear it will. It *always* comes as a benefit, first to yourself, and then to them. Emotions radiate, feelings flow down.
Allow yourself, today, to be honest with yourself about everything you want from life, and yet resist reaching out for. After her terrible ordeal with domestic violence, and her recovery, the artist Rhianna said (of opening up about her experiences to her fans); "There's freedom in honesty. If you just face it today, tomorrow you can move on to something else." Allow yourselves the personal freedom that honesty will afford you. It takes Personal Honesty and Courage to overcome Fear, and to Be Kinder To Yourselves Than Necessary, you must overcome your Fears of what that will cause your life to look like. Remember, “Fear is a question: What are you afraid of, and why? Just as the seed of health is in illness, because illness contains information, our fears are a treasure house of self-knowledge if we explore them.” --Marilyn Ferguson
Christopher Robin once said to Winnie the Pooh, “Always remember you are braver than you believe, you are stronger than you seem, you are smarter than you think.”
You are, too.
My friends, go forward today, and allow yourselves to hope and dream. Enter into this week knowing that Your Life is Beginning. Face your Fears, and grant yourselves freedom from them, that you may move on to something else tomorrow. Something better. I know that every last one of you has it in you to fully realize your potential. Never question yourselves or waiver in your belief in yourselves, nor prevent yourselves from taking center stage, first priority. An ill doctor cannot tend his patients, a starving mother cannot succor her infant, a wounded commander cannot lead his troops.
It is never too late to become who you might have been.
Today, I do want you to think…just about yourself, what you want from life.
And I want you to go out…and take it.
Remembering to be Kinder to Myself than I think Necessary today-
Lisa
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